So (Shiree again) I have this policy when I get pregnant not to tell anyone that I'm expecting until after the first trimester. I know the chance of miscarriage is really high up until that point and I've always been a little paranoid of miscarriage. So I followed that rule pretty well with Jenny, Alex and Daniel and as you all know, 3 perfect babies. So this time I got a little lax on my policy and told everyone I was expecting really early. The irony is that when I told all of you I had most likely already miscarried the baby. I have a blighted ovum. That means that in early cell division something went wrong and the egg was absorbed or something. But my body didn't clue in and so it continued to produce the hormones that told me I was pregnant. Yes, morning sickness to the max and an empty placenta. So the bleeding I was experiencing was my body starting to clue in that there isn't a baby growing in that little sac and it needs to get rid of it. But my body is slow at this and now that I know there isn't a baby, I'm ready to stop feeling pregnant. Plus I have no chance of getting pregnant again if my body still thinks I'm pregnant. So Tuesday I go to the hospital and take care of everything. I tried to do it on my own and it didn't work.
Well, I'm sure you're sick of reading this--if you've continued this far. But it feels better for me to write about it as I try to sort through my feelings about what has happened. Oh, another irony is that when I first found out that I was pregnant, I wasn't too happy about having a November baby. And then as I progressed in the pregnancy and thought about it some more I finally came to the realization that a November baby would be just fine. And now, no November baby. I'm sad and yet a part of me is relieved--November would have been a really hard time for us to have a new born, Lance in school, teaching his first class and all that entails. So it's a good thing in a way that we won't have a baby then. But at the same time, I'm anxious to get pregnant again--in a few months--so that we can get our last baby here and be done with this stuff!
Well, now I'm really done. More to post on a different subject.
Shiree
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3 comments:
I read to the end and was still interested. I hope the Dr. trip goes extremely well. I like it when you write. Thinking of you -J
No, I wasn't sick of reading it. It's an emotional thing you are going through. Again, I hope tomorrow goes okay. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
No, I wasn't sick of reading it. It's an emotional thing you are going through. Again, I hope tomorrow goes okay. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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