Why is it so hard for me to move? I wish I could see it as a new adventure with new opportunities, but I just feel sad and miss what I'm leaving behind. I always eventually get used to it and then the new place becomes "home" and I'm sad to leave it. When we moved to Boone it took 2 years for me to become my old self. When we moved back to Utah it took months, then longer with the miscarriage and the new baby. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm back to myself and we move again. I'm trying so hard to be positive about this, to embrace the new neighbors and the new ward and the new opportunities. I know that we were supposed to move here and I'm sure there are reasons. But I miss the comfort of my old friends and neighbors. I miss knowing that I could go to the Hardman's any day and any time to borrow something I needed. I miss knowing where the bathrooms at church are located. It breaks my heart to see my kids sad, crying because they miss their friends and their old school. It was nice to have Lance sitting beside me in sacrament meeting. When I left to feed Becca I didn't have to worry about my kids. But I realize too that I didn't have to worry about them much at the old ward. Daddy was on the stand, and there were tons of friends standing by, keeping an eye on them when I was gone. So many new faces. So many names to remember. I'm overwhelmed with the amount of things that I have to do to organize my house and my life. A part of me wants to just hide away in my house, slink down deep inside myself and not get to know anyone because I know this move isn't permanent and I'm going to be hurt again all over.
When I was little we moved into our house in Sandy when I was 3. I left for college from that house. Our Branch in Boone was the next longest place at 5 years and our ward in Provo 2 1/2.
I'm tired of moving. I'm tired of starting over. I just want to buy a house and live there until I die. But in my heart I know that won't happen and that this is one of the trials that I have to learn to overcome. There are people that can bless my life here and people whose lives I can bless. I just pray for the strength to overcome the weakness inside of me so that I don't miss the opportunities ahead of me.
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7 comments:
i still haven't adjusted to not having you around. every time i try and make new friends it makes me miss you more. who knows maybe the past will also be the future. you followed us to Utah last time. i guess it's our turn huh?
I guess a big "I feel your pain" isn't going to actually make you feel any better, but I don't know what else to offer you. I lived in the same house from the time I was 4 until...well, my parents still live there, but I haven't been in once place for more than 3 years since I finished high school, and I am not a fan of moving. It is really hard to get into a new place, with new people, and find new friends, ones that usually seem like they have plenty of friends already. I wish you luck.
Don't hide in your house, it won't make you feel better, and you'll have to look at all the boxes and disorganization that are a part of every moving experience. One tip I can offer you though, is don't unpack everything (or selectively re-pack and label). It's a great purging strategy - you set yourself a time limit for opening the boxes, and if in that time (2 moves, 1 year, 3 seasons, whatever), you haven't opened the box, you give yourself permission to throw it out. It's a good excuse for still having packed boxes even months/years after you have moved into a new place. Or at least, that's what I tell myself.
A 45 minute commute back to the 2nd ward isn't that far, right? :) And you guys need to come play. I'll even give you a can of olives - just in case. :) Bring the kids to play group in the summer. Don't lose us, we won't lose you. :)
We miss you too! I know the feeling of leaving and being left behind in moving. In Provo and in Boston we had transitive wards. I often felt that exact feeling of just not doing it again, not reaching out, not starting over again with new names, faces, friends. I sometimes thought it would hurt less to hold on tight to the old friends and neighbors and not try again. Not so. You won't lose your Provo friends, you'll just add to them. Give yourself adjustment time and "unpack your bags." Thanks for helping me feel welcome in Provo as I was just so reluctant to move here from back East and felt I'd never have friends again.
I know I just had a new baby, but call me anytime you need a friend. I'd love to be a shoulder for you to cry on if need be.
Friend! I'm so sorry it's sucking so much! Name a day and I'll come down - I'll bring lunch and we'll let the kids play and I'll spend the day helping you unpack and get organized.
I feel for you but I have to admit I think it's awesome you are 10 minutes from my mom's house... :>
You are such an amazing woman. I remember when you moved in to B2, you had a great smile on your face, and you made thought provoking statements in S.S. and R.S.
You moved in just as two of my best friends in the ward had moved out. I was feeling those same "moving" pains you were feeling, even though I had not moved at all. You went out of your way to make friends then, and I'm sure you can do it again.
Do it because you are an amazing woman and you have so much to offer those new ladies in your ward. And who knows, maybe some of them need you as much as you need them.
Love ya Shiree!
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